How to Train Your Sasuke
by SweetGumdrop
Summary: You can't just have your wild felines running around! You have to train them to be good and quiet and respectable dammit! Sasuke is not trained! How is that trained? He just ignored you!
1. He Really Is Trained!

**Title:** How to Train Your Sasuke

 **Summary:** You can't just have your wild felines running around! You have to train them to be good and quiet and respectable dammit! Sasuke is not trained! How is that trained? He just ignored you!

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 **He Really Is Trained!**

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Naruto gazed around the room looking at the people in the loose semi circle, the men off to the side and to his foster dad, Iruka, who was off by the side his hand tight on his cat's leech, Kakashi. Iruka looked like he was about to pass out. Naruto beamed at him and gave him two thumbs up. Iruka furiously pointed ahead of him where Yamato was currently glaring daggers at him.

He was currently the one suing Naruto and his cat, Sasuke who was kneeling quietly by his chair.

"Let us begin," Tsunade said clearing her throat, she was glaring too but for a whole other reason. "Yamato please present your case." And boy did he. He had piles of papers and several folders of all the shit Sasuke had got into. The accused feline pawed at Naruto's pockets til his cellphone fell out and he unlocked it, Naruto didn't even now that he knew the pass code, before he started to play bejeweled. It was Sasuke's favorite game.

Sasuke, the uncaring pussy that he was, made sure to have the volume low but obvious. Every time he got several combos the game would quietly but enthusiastically say 'brilliant' or 'superb' or 'amazing!'. Finally after a solid tense twenty minutes of ranting Yamato pointed a bony finger at Sasuke and yelled. "See! He's disrespectful! Send him back to the academy! Punishment! I demand he be punished!"

Naruto swirled his finger around in his ear before he plucked it off and blew the earwax off. "Ehh..." he drawled. "I thought you were suing me to have your shit fixed."

"Naruto language!" Tsunade sighed rubbing her temple.

"Punishment!" Yamato screamed ripping some papers in half.

"Yamato control yourself please. Have a seat." Begrudgingly he sat down. "Naruto..." Tsunade sighed again. "You said you had him under control. That's one of the conditions to having a feline of your own."

Naruto sat up fully. "But I do control him!" He snatched the phone from Sasuke's paws and stood up to stand closer to the semi circle. "Behold!" he said loudly as he spread his arms wide. "Sasuke come here!" He said spinning around. The cat elegantly rose to his feet and went to stand before his master. "See he came!" he exclaimed and scratched Sasuke behind a sleek black ear.

Tsunade shrugged, "I mean, technically he did..." she trailed off and off to the side Naruto could see Iruka nodding furiously.

Yamato jumped up. "Sasuke sit!" he snarled. Sasuke's eyes glanced over to him to pin him with a red eyed glare that promised murder. Yamato inched back. "Trained my ass," he muttered.

Naruto laughed out loud. "No, no, no you have to be sweeter to him. Look. Like this. Sasuke," he scratched under the dark haired cat's chin, "sit please?" he cooed. Without hesitation Sasuke sank smoothly to the ground and tucked his feet underneath him purring slightly.

"That's not a trained cat! He had to ask!" Several members of Tsunade's council nodded.

"Naruto," Tsunade scribble something down, crumbled it up, then tossed it at his head. Sasuke snatched it out of the air and proceeded to bat it around on the ground. Naruto gently pried it away and offered Sasuke his cell instead. "Just let him perform those and then you can go. We'll call the case settled."

"What?! This is favoritism!" Yamato barked. Several more councilmen shuffled at the table.

"Well... he is the strongest ninja we have. To be honest I'm not sure why you're so adamant to piss him off..." Tsunade mused scratching her chin and Yamato paled.

Naruto grinned and scratched the back of his head, "Nyahaha I wouldn't say _the strongest_ nyahaha," he laughed and Sasuke stared up at him expectantly. "Okay Sasuke." He said and scratched behind the cat. "If you behave I'll give you catnip later. Deal?" The brunette didn't answer but the sway of his tail was a pretty positive sign to Naruto. "Sasuke sit." Sasuke stared at him and set the phone aside. "I mean on your butt." He did. "Sasuke roll over." He did. "Sasuke say please." He snorted. "Sasuke say meow." Sasuke rolled over on his side his tail slapping the ground. "Sasuke lay down." He remained where he was. "Well, 3 out of 5. I count that as a win!"

"He was already laying down!"

"In Sasuke's defense he could have got up..." Naruto nodded agreeing with himself. Yamato's mouth dropped open as well as Tsunade and several other council members. Iruka slapped his hand on his face and Kakashi patted him on the back. Naruto just kept laughing and Sasuke was quietly snoring on the ground.

"Naruto... please control your cat better and don't let me see your name on my list again. Now shoo, get out, go away."

"Yay! Sasuke did you hear that? We're free to go!" Sasuke didn't respond and instead just lay there but by the flicker of his tail Naruto could tell that he was awake. Since Sasuke didn't seem to want to get up Naruto scooped him up in arms and cuddled him. "Who's the best pussy in the world? You are! Yes you are!" Sasuke's eyes slit open as he gently laid his fingers on Naruto's lips. Sasuke wanted him to shut up. He kissed the fingers before Sasuke could pull them away.

As he passed Iruka and Kakashi Iruka slapped him upside the head and grabbed his ear. "Home!" Iruka hissed, "Now!"


	2. He Can't Get Anymore Trained!

**He Can't Get Anymore Trained!**

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Iruka sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Naruto was sitting on the couch booping Sasuke on the nose while the cat playfully pushed him away and Kakashi was lounging in the sunlight by the window, curled in a tight ball and snoring loudly.

"Naruto this is serious. They won't be playing favorites forever. Strongest ninja in Konoha or not." Iruka said kindly. Naruto was now on his handheld furiously clicking away while Sasuke kneaded the rug beneath his feet. Ready to take a nap.

"Neh Iruka! You worry too much!" Naruto paused his game to wave the dark haired man's worries away.

"I have to worry for all of us!" Iruka defended. A ripping sound brought Iruka's attention to the rug that Sasuke just shred his claws through. Iruka gasped. He bought that rug! "Sasuke!" he hissed. "Bad boy!"

The cat looked up at him with warm coal black eyes and his tail swaying behind him and slowly, as he kept Iruka's gaze he dragged his claws further down, ripping the rug open even more. "Naruto!"

"Sasuke why?" Naruto asked and tossed his handheld at the feline. Sasuke abandoned the rug in favor of leaping into the air to snatch the game. A devilish grin wide on his face before he hurled it at Kakashi. It smacked the silver haired cat on his bum and startled him so badly he yowled and scrambled to get away from danger.

Away from danger meant up the sides of Naruto's curtains, shredding the material as he climbed. "Kakashi calm down!" Iruka yelled frantically hurrying over to his companion, glaring at Sasuke as he went.

"Why'd you do that?" Naruto demanded as he got up off the couch. Sasuke hissed at him and clawed at his hands whenever Naruto tried to get close to him.

A crash sounded from behind the two and Naruto hesitantly looked around to see Kakashi sprawled on top of Iruka who had tried to rescue him, the curtains splayed on the ground and bits and pieces of glass from the window now broken.

Sasuke's purrs made him look down to see the cat on the back of couch, tail swaying and smirk on his pretty face as he watched the mess he made. Naruto quickly snatched the back of his neck before he could run off and reluctantly attached him to a leash and tied him to a leg of a table.

Iruka glared daggers at Sasuke while Kakashi draped his large body across his master's lap and was being cuddled and stroked and petted while Iruka whispered soothing words to him. "Sasuke is a bad cat." Iruka muttered after a long sullen silence.

"Well… I can't say that you're wrong about that."

"You need to take him to the cat training academy."

"Noooooo..." Naruto whined. "I hate it there. Everyone's pussy is so much better trained than mine."

"Well maybe if you didn't slack off with him!" Iruka snapped even though Kakashi more or less had calmed down now. Iruka was just sensitive, Naruto understood that.

"Okay okay okay. I'll make you a deal. If I can get Sasuke to be like, the very best there ever was then will you not force me to go to the academy?"

Iruka squinted at him, "Was… was that Pokemon…?"

At least Naruto looked abashed. "Do we have a deal my worrisome daddy?"

Iruka sighed. "You have one month."

Naruto whooped and pumped his fist into the air. "Yes! More than enough time."

Iruka smirked at him. "And then when you fail it's off to the academy~"

Naruto frowned at him, "Where's the faith? Where's the love?"

"Well… in my defense," he mocked Naruto's line from the court session earlier. "Sasuke just lifted the table and pulled his leash free."

Naruto spun around to see a wide eyed Sasuke still holding the table up with one hand and his now free leash in the other. "You rotten pussy!" Naruto yelled as he dropped the tattered remains of his curtain and darted after the cat. Sasuke grinned at him and ducked under the table his eyes slits and glowing in the dark as he waited for his master to catch him.

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 **AN:** You don't need to watch HTTYD since this story only follows it in name only. Just for fun. Cats are just so queer to me. I love them. I'll use 'fingers' and 'paws' interchangeable for the cats since they're part human.


	3. What Bad Kitties Get

**What Bad Kitties Get**

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"Okay Sasuke, first thing's first." Naruto said sternly as he looked up at Sasuke who was peering down at him from where he was perched a top the cupboards. The cat cocked his head to the side, his tail draped down the front of the cupboards and the tip of it lightly tapping the boards. "It's dinner time!"

Iruka had left some time ago and Sasuke and Naruto played an exhausting game of 'Sasuke what the fuck are you doing?!' and 'Sasuke I swear to God!' along with some light 'Sasuke… please…' for several hours and now Naruto was sweaty and tired and he could only muster enough energy to make some ramen and put some wet cat food in a large bowl to coax Sasuke from his current home.

Sasuke purred, his dark eyes glinting as he eyed the food but obviously he knew that Naruto was pissed at him and so had no intention of going anywhere near his owner. Sasuke hummed just as his stomach gurgled. "C'mere boy~" Naruto cooed and set Sasuke's bowl right next to his at the dinner table just as he started to slurp up his noodles as obnoxiously as he could.

Carefully, slowly, Sasuke hopped down and inched toward the dinner table. He was so very, very hungry after all. He climbed up in his chair and stared at Naruto for a solid minute before he leaned over and went to town in his bowl. They ate somewhat quietly and halfway through his food he felt Naruto scratch behind his ears. "I'll be right back," the blonde smiled at him and Sasuke batted his hand away. He didn't like being touched while he was eating.

Naruto put his bowl away in the sink and Sasuke got the horrid feeling that Naruto was going to punish him by making him wash the dishes. He'd rather go hide in the closet than do the dishes. Ugh. He hated getting wet.

The half cat hybrid was just licking his chops by the window with the missing glass, enjoying the nice cool breeze when Naruto appeared from nowhere. Sasuke nearly tore down the new curtains that Naruto put up. Naruto was faster though, worthy of his '#1 Ninja in Konoha' status and snatched Sasuke up as he scrambled to get away.

Naruto draped him over his shoulder and kissed his skin and stroked his hair and scratched his ears until Sasuke calmed down. His heart slowing down as he relaxed into the cuddles. He purred as Naruto walked slowly with him up the stairs and to their shared bedroom. Sasuke thought he was going to be laid on the bed but instead he heard a click and pushed away from Naruto to find that the blonde had cuffed his feet together with stretchy rubbery cuffs.

He looked up at his owner who he was pretty sure had gone mad. He hissed at the man and tried to drag himself away on his hands, belly to the floor.

Except that Naruto must've been anticipating that and quickly grabbed his wrists and cuffed them together too. "Oh ho ho, you've been a baaaddd kitty!" Naruto cackled maniacally as he draped a limp Sasuke over his shoulder and started towards…

Oh no.

 _Ohhhhh noooo._

Sasuke yowled and writhed and screamed and scratched at Naruto until he set him down **on the bathroom floor.** The most horrible part of the whole house. **Everywhere had water. Everywhere.**

He looked up at Naruto pitifully as the blonde undressed and when he was fully naked he scooped Sasuke up under his arms and kissed him on the mouth. Sasuke wanted to, no _he would_ , scratch his face off later. Sasuke sneered at him.

"Bath time~~" Naruto sang still grinning in that way only evil people did.

Naruto was an evil evil short man!


	4. Revenge Is Best Served Slow!

**Revenge Is Best Served Slow!**

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Sasuke's revenge was slow and meticulous. Naruto was cracking. He could tell. This was the 77th time Naruto had sighed today and it was barely midday. "Sasuke… please… I'm trying to watch the TV. Of all the places to sit. Why would you sit there?" Sasuke smirked at the TV and kept sitting right where he was.

He was currently plopped on the center table right between Naruto and the screen so the only thing Naruto was looking at was Sasuke's back. He sighed again. Number 78! Sasuke snickered to himself as he heard Naruto get up, hand him the remote and then head upstairs. He scoffed at the device and tossed it aside. The TV was no fun if there was no one to torment.

Naruto would have to learn the hard way to never immerse Sasuke in any bodies of water ever again. Lessons needed to be taught! And so today, Sasuke, was a teacher. He smirked at the thought as he headed up the stairs a few moments after Naruto disappeared up them.

He peeked his head into the bedroom to find Naruto laying on his back on the bed, one leg bend and one arm behind his head. Blue eyes closed and mouth slightly parted. Did he already fall asleep? Sasuke's tail twitched with excitement.

He kneaded the carpet with barely contained glee before he launched himself into the air directly above Naruto and landed squarely in his gut. Naruto oomphed and wheezed and then went poof in a puff of smoke. Sasuke glared at the empty bed. A shadow clone.

He hopped off the bed and spun around, glaring around the room for his master.

"Tsk tsk tsk… you thought you could pull one over on me?" Sasuke spun to the sound of the voice but he couldn't spot the ninja. He hissed at nothing. Naruto chuckled from where he hid.

"Sneak attack!" Naruto yelled and suddenly he appeared from nowhere! Jumping on Sasuke's back and pulling him to the ground. They wrestled and tousled and spun and knocked things over until Sasuke was successfully on top. His agility and lithe frame winning against Naruto's brawn but that had been Naruto's ploy all along!. "Oh noo!" Naruto yelled as his fingers sneaked up Sasuke's side and mercilessly started to tickle him.

Sasuke yowled with delight, his eyes tearing up at the onslaught as he tried to wiggle his way free but Naruto had a good hold on him. A few minutes into the playing and Sasuke had had enough. He hissed at Naruto and scratched at his hands until Naruto let him go and he hurried away to glare at him from a corner.

"You love me don't you?" Naruto smirked at him.

 _Hiss._

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 **AN:** I'm happy you all like it! If you have any ideas feel free to pass them to me~


	5. It's Quiet Time!

**AN:** To clear up the confusion: Sasuke is half human half cat. I'll use 'hand/paw' interchangeably because of that. Sasuke is the normal size of his human self. This applies to all the felines in this story.

I hope this is what you were thinking of yaoilover1013!

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 **It's Quiet Time!**

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"You need to walk him, poor thing's cooped up in here all day! Look how pale he is!" Mei cooed as she stroked Ao's head. Somehow… on this beautiful Saturday morning she decided to grace Naruto's house with her presence.

Ao and Sasuke were having a hostile staring match, ears and tail at attention waiting for the other to move first. It was so cute Naruto decided to snap a few pictures.

"I'm not sure you quite understand Sasuke, Mei… He hates the sun. He might not even be a cat. Or maybe he's a part time vampire."

"Or maybe a succubus!" she purred and then grinned at Sasuke who either hadn't heard her or decided to ignore her altogether.

"Stop hitting on my pussy. No husband yet?" Naruto asked innocently enough but Mei screamed at him and scratched him with her nails. His master's distress made Ao look away for a moment and Sasuke pounced.

They rolled around on the ground in their own battle while Naruto dodged lava blasts aimed for his blemish free face. "I was kidding! I was kidding!"

Mei huffed and stomped her foot. "You had better be! Take that cat outside. That's all I came to say! Ao come! We're leaving!" She clipped the leash onto his collar and guided him outside.

Naruto stood by the entryway and waved her off. When she was sufficiently far away he closed the door and turned to face his companion. Sasuke gave him a dull bored look before he pointedly turned and walked away.

"Aww don't be like that! It's not like I'm gonna drag you outside neko dracula!" Sasuke hissed at the new nickname as he went to rummage through the fridge.

Sasuke was perhaps in a surly mood so Naruto would give him some space to cool off while he read through a scroll he was planning on reading anyways. He sat cross legged on the floor while he read through the hand signs and then did a few of the gestures. The scroll was longer than he thought and soon he shifted from sitting on his butt to lying on his side to lying on his belly propped up on his elbows.

The scroll was offering so many definitions and alternations and origins and warnings that before he realised it his eyes were starting to droop. He was just dozing off when Sasuke creeped over and sat beside him, peering over his shoulder at the scroll but not interested enough to actually take it and read it.

Naruto rubbed at his eyes to try to stay away for a few more minutes but then he just gave up and laid down onto of his hands. A few moments of silence and then Sasuke moved, slow and carefully, and stepped up on Naruto's back.

Naruto coughed and wheezed. "Hey there bud. Watcha doing back there?" he asked his voice strained. Sasuke was heavy. No feline grace would change that. Sasuke didn't respond, of course, instead he got down on all fours and started to knead Naruto's back as he made short tight turns. "Can you give me a massage while you're back there?" he asked hopefully still straining under Sasuke's weight.

Sasuke snorted, dug his claws through Naruto's shirt and into his skin a few more times before he settled and laid down. Naruto knew that Sasuke must've heard him struggling to breathe but he was too content on sitting there and letting Naruto suffer.

Laboured breathing was like a lullaby to Sasuke's ears.

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 **AN:** Mei is the Mizukage is case you didn't pick that up. If anyone has another prompt they'd like done lemme know~


	6. Good Cats Get Gifts!

**Good Cats Get Gifts!**

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"Okay Sasuke! Hear me!" Naruto yelled posing triumphantly one foot on top of the center table. Sasuke sat neatly on his legs an amused smirk on his face as he watched his master speak. Naruto had been pumped up for the last couple of days because Sasuke had been so good. He even gave Sasuke a back massage too. "You only need to pass 5 out of 7 tests and you won't have to go to the academy!" Naruto fist pumped the air before he did a backflip. Sasuke applauded. The blonde grinned and rubbed his nose.

He pushed the center table out of the way then hefted Sasuke up from under his arms and dragged him to the center of the room and then put him back down. "Okay Sasuke. Ready to get started?" Sasuke stared expectantly at him. "If you pass all seven I have a gift for you." Sasuke gave him a side eye. "It's a good gift. Something you've been wanting for a while!" he pulled a storage scroll from his back pocket and tied it to the ceiling fan. "When we're done you can summon it. I promise you'll love it."

Sasuke still looked pretty skeptical and eyed the swaying scroll and Naruto with a good amount of suspicion before he shrugged and straightened his back. If it was a stupid gift then he'd just claw Naruto's face off later.

"Okay first task: Sasuke lay down." Sasuke pouted instead. "Hey. Seven out of seven and you get a gift!" Naruto enthusiastically pointed up at the little scroll hanging from the fan and Sasuke sighed and flopped over on his belly. "Next Sasuke roll over." he did, "Sasuke beg," Sasuke did that too. Obediently he followed all of Naruto's orders and got himself a perfect 7/7 score. "Yay! Good job!" Naruto cut the scroll down and tossed it to Sasuke who expertly snatched it out of the air and then he went to sit on the couch. "Go ahead open it. I'll just watch how much you love it." Sasuke doubted he'd love it but decided to humor Naruto.

He unravelled the scroll, bit his thumb with a fang making it bleed and then dragged it across the summoning circle. He made the hand gesture and then poof, the room was flooded with thick white fumeless smoke. He fanned it from his face and waited for the smoke to clear his tail twitching behind him. When he could finally see again he saw his gift. It was glorious. It was beautiful. He'd never want for anything ever again!

It was a box!

Sasuke dove headfirst into it meowing and purring as he tried to get into the small cardboard box not even half his size. "Ahh! So cute!" Naruto gushed as he snapped pic after pic. Sasuke on the hand was trying how best to sit all of himself into the wonderful heaven sent box.

A good few minutes after trying and Naruto saying 'damn thing won't upload to facebook!' and 'ahaha I'm gonna title this _Sasuke's New Box_ on snapchat!' that Sasuke was finally able to settle down. Ahh, peace. He laid his chin down on the edge of the box and began to purr. "Sasuke so cute!" Naruto praised as he scratched behind Sasuke's ear but Sasuke was too distracted by how well he fit into this amazing box.


	7. He Has A Scratch Post!

**A/N:** Someone asked if Sasuke could speak and I had thought about giving them the ability to speak but then I thought why? Instead he has the intelligence that his human self would posses but he cannot speak. One again, I use paw and hands interchangeably for the feline because they are half cat half human.

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 **He Has A Scratch Post!**

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Today Naruto was going to make an elaborate dinner. Miso ramen with all the toppings he had in his fridge that hadn't gone bad! So far there was pork and ham and some menma and butter! Ramen time.

Naruto whistled a tune as he cooked and lured by Naruto's baggy pajamas bouncing around Sasuke slinked quietly into the kitchen crouched down on all fours and quieter than a mouse he snuck up behind his master and attacked his bum, the only solid looking thing in those baggy swaying pants. He gnawed on as large a chunk of Naruto's butt as he could get his mouth on.

Naruto yelped and jumped into the air, the water, not yet hot thank heavens, sloshed over onto the stove and sizzled on the iron. "Sasuke!" Naruto barked turning around and trying to dislodge the feline.

Sasuke, not done yet, dug his claws into the loose pants and bit down hard on the soft mounds that were Naruto's backside. "Sasuke no!" Naruto yelled jumping up and down and shaking and twisting to get the cat to let go without stepping on his accidentally.

Finally satisfied Sasuke hopped away to dart away and into the living room before Naruto even considered to chase his naughty pussy. Naruto stared after his cat bewildered. Sasuke had done some strange things before but that surely took the cake. He rubbed his aching but and reminded himself to get Sasuke a manicure. Maybe a pedicure too. Those claws were too sharp!

For the rest of dinner he made sure to check behind him every few seconds instead of just making a clone to keep Sasuke occupied. While the broth simmered he went to check on Sasuke on the living and he found Sasuke quietly ripping his rug, the one he'd gotten from Iruka, to bits and pieces.

Naruto would have admired Sasuke's meticulousness in making sure all the bits were more or less the same size but he was too mortified. It was only a few more days before Iruka would be coming back to check how his training with Sasuke had progressed and if he saw this then they'd definitely be off to the academy!

"Sasuke! Bad kitty! Naughty Kitty!" He rushed over but Sasuke was already darting off to his corner where his actual play things were. Where his actual scratch post was for this exact reason! But of course, instead, Sasuke had chose to rip Iruka's fancy rug…

Of course.

"Sasuke amma spank you." Naruto grumbled as he sighed and propped his hands up on his hips. Sasuke, the cocky fucker that he was smirked at his master and turned his ass around, his tail swept to the side, as if he was daring Naruto to make good on his words.

Naruto rolled his eyes at him as he went back to the kitchen to stir his pot. A couple minutes later when he came back Sasuke was perched on top of his scratch post sleeping soundly.

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 **A/N:** I think I'll end this at chapter 10! I'm all out of ideas XD


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